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Re: BBC special

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Robert TorresNov 20, 2007
 

 
hey, excellent suggestions, I hope the BBC take them to heart cuz these are brilliant examples of the show all around, I especially loved that 'Zeppelin Hindenburgh' one, it was always one of my favorite examples of Kenneth's outbursts and tantrums. 

Dean Bedford <dbedford@...> wrote:

Well today the Beeb asked me to suggest some clips for this New Years
Eve special - they had to be clips that have not yet appeared on
compilations before... Here's my reply... enjoy...



* 2 March 1976 (Sir Clement Freud, Kenneth Williams, Peter Jones, Aimi
Macdonald). This is one of my all-time favourite shows and one person
that has never featured on any of the compilations is "the lovely Aimi
Macdonald" who I find is hugely popular among the fans. My favourite bit
is the roulette round below - Peter Jones's interjections are just
hillarious, but the whole show is a scream

http://deanbedford.tripod.com/jam7.html

NICHOLAS PARSONS: And Aimi, it is your turn to begin. The subject:
roulette. Will you tell us something about that in Just A Minute
starting now.

AIMI MACDONALD: Oh, this is a very exciting gambling game. You have a
little board and lots of numbers. They go from one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16...

BUZZ

AM: ...17...

NP: Clement Freud has challenged.

AM: ... 18...

CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of six!

AM: ... 19! What?

NP: Six? 16 is one word.

AM: Oh thank you, yes.

CF: Repetition of teen.

AM: Quite wrong!

NP: No but she, there isn't...

AM: Teen! I never even said the word teen.

NP: There isn't a single word, teen.

PETER JONES: I'd like to make a small future investment in 21!

CF: It's one word! It's one word!

PJ: What?

CF: It's one word!

PJ: No! 21 isn't one word, is it?

NP: 21...

AM: I meant, I meant...

NP: No, 21 is meant to be one word!

CF: Why don't we just add up to 99 every time?

NP: Aimi, teen and 6 are not acceptable...

CF: And the rest of the audience can go home!

KENNETH WILLIAMS: Why not just employ the speaking clock!

NP: Because Aimi Macdonald is more attractive than the speaking clock.

KW: You reckon?

NP: Well, I wouldn't reckon your dial anyway!

KW: Dear oh dear! Who does write his material? Terrible!

AM: Look, can I get on with it now please?

NP: Yes, yes...

PJ: You can, yes, I'm terribly anxious to get into the 30s!

NP: Aimi, an incorrect challenge, you have roulette still, and you have
40 seconds starting now.

AM: Eighteen, 19...

BUZZ

NP: Ah, Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of 18!

AM: No! No, no, no I only got to 17!

NP: She onlygot to 16 before!

CF: She missed, she missed out 17!

PJ: I thought she got to 18!

AM: No, no, no, quite wrong darling.

NP: No, she missed out 17 and only got to 16!

PJ: Really?

NP: She was challenged on 6 and teen, and didn't have it.

PJ: Do you think it's risky to go on, Aimi?

NP: Aimi, another incorrect challenge, and there are 37 seconds on
roulette starting now.

AM: Nineteen, 20, twenty-first, twenty-second, twenty-third....

BUZZ

NP: Ah, Clement Freud has challenged.

CF: The numbers are not marked twenty-first. They are 21.

NP: Not on a roulette board.

CF: That's deviation.

NP: They're not marked twenty-first on a roulette board.

CF: It isn't the twenty-first number.

AM: No, but it means the same thing darling, I'm just being awfully
clever not saying 21!

PJ: I think it's splitting hairs to claim to be clever for not saying 21
when you've counted from one to 20!

NP: Clement I agree with your challenge and you have 32 seconds on
roulette starting now.

CF: One of the most interesting aspects of roulette when the gaming
board came into being was they decided the casino must have no better
chance of winning than the people playing. And for that...

BUZZ

NP: Ah, Aimi Macdonald challenged.

AM: Deviation, that's not true because everybody knows the roulette
wheel is all fixed, you know!

NP: No, it's not all fixed, and what Clement said was absolutely
accurate about the gaming board and roulette, so he keeps the subject
and there are 20 seconds starting now.

CF: Although the odds have now changed fractionally in favour of the
operators. For instance, red black, even uneven, high and low, pay...

BUZZ

NP: Ah, Kenneth Williams.

KW: This is terribly boring, isn't it?

NP: I know but he's not deviating from...

KW: Aimi Macdonald is quite right and should have the subject back! I
mean, for goodness sake, she knows!

NP: Clement has the subject still and there are 11 seconds left starting
now.

CF: The support of...

BUZZ

NP: Aimi Macdonald.

AM: Hesitation!

NP: He had a very tough one to begin with and that balances it out.
Clement there are 10 seconds on roulette starting now.

CF: Fit per Joux and Rien vel preaux are the most...

BUZZ

NP: Ah, Aimi Macdonald!

AM: Do they only say that when they're doing the shimming? Or.....

NP: No, they don't!

AM: They do...

NP: They do it when...

KW: She's quite right! She's absolutely right!

NP: They say that when they're playing roulette!

KW: She's been to these places! You don't know anything about it!

NP: Clement, you have seven seconds on roulette starting now.

CF: French being the common language mostly because Monte Carlo, Cannes
and Nice were where the first gaming...

WHISTLE





* 7 July 1984 (Kenneth, Peter, Derek Nimmo, William Franklyn) - this is
a great example of Kenneth William's unique erudition - and the way he
used to throw tantrums in such an entertaining way. And Peter's line
comparing him with Hitler is possibly the best one-liner ever!

http://www.geocities.com/deanbedford/jam579.html

NP: And Kenneth it's your turn to begin, the subject is Hindenburg
Zeppelin. Will you tell us something about that in the game starting now.

KW: The both of them are interesting as far as Zeppelin was a count,
Ferdinand in actual fact, von Zeppelin, who invented this dirigible, a
self-propelled balloon. And the Hindenburg was named after the Field
Marshal who was President of Germany, and unfortunately in 1932 asked
Mister Schickelgruber to become Chancellor, with as we know disastrous
results for the rest of Europe. Well the airship itself, well it arrived
in America and...

BUZZ

KW: Well I wanted to say that when it arrived in America, they had this
terrible accident, you see. And what happened was this radio came on
actually on the airwaves saying "she's going, she's going, she's going!"

BUZZ

KW: And you could actually see the thing going.

NP: Yes and of course you couldn't say that because you were actually
repeating it four times.

KW: That's right, you see, yes. You're very good, you know, isn't he!
You can see why they give him the extra money to be chairman!

WILLIAM FRANKLYN: Did you notice that I pressed the button?

NP: Yes I did notice...

WF: I just wondered because I haven't got the rules quite straight.

KW: We're not taking any notice of you pressing the button! You're,
you're a guest! I mean it's quite inexcusable!

WF: Two minutes ago I was your close friend!

KW: Yes but I've altered now! I think it was very ungallant of you to
interrupt me!

NP: Well actually it was Peter...

KW: After all, I am something of a cult! I'm a known cult, aren't I! I'm
one of the biggest cults going!

NP: Listen Kenneth Cult, I mean Kenneth Williams, it was Peter Jones who
actually challenged you.

KW: Was it? What a filthy creature! How disgusting!

WF: Well I pressed that thing!

NP: You challenged as well, but your challenge came in second.

DEREK NIMMO: Why is Kenneth allowed to work all this overtime?

NP: The audience enjoy it.

DN: Oh?

NP: Peter your challenge?

PJ: Ah what was the subject, oh yes, it was ah...

NP: It was a hesitation.

PJ: Hesitation yes mmm.

NP: The Hindenburg Zeppelin's with you Peter, 26 seconds are left
starting now.

PJ: It's a means of transport that I've always wanted to try, because
it's so quiet and gentle, not particularly speedy...

BUZZ

NP: Kenneth Williams.

KW: Well the subject is Zeppelin Hindenburg, and he says it's a form of
transport I've always wanted to try. Since the Hindenburg doesn't exist,
how can he want to try it? Going on something that doesn't exist?

NP: Because they are actually trying to bring them back, they're now
using...

KW: (shouting) No the subject is the Zeppelin Hindenburg! Not airships!
It's the Zeppelin Hindenburg and you don't get more than one of them!

NP: Have you...

KW: (shouting) It's a load of rubbish saying that you want to travel in
it! It's like just saying I want to be in Noah's Ark!

LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

PJ: I would just like to ask a question! May I just, may I just ask, has
Kenneth any territorial claims to make in Europe?

WF: He's done a very good job on my right ear hole!






* 6 February 1985 (Kenneth, Peter, Derek, Martin Jarvis) - A great
example of the sort of banter which Kenneth Williams was often at the
heart of - the round is on Halley's Comet

http://www.geocities.com/deanbedford/jam591.html

NP: Kenneth the subject is Halley's Comet. Will you tell us something
about that in Just A Minute starting now.

KW: Halley's Comet is thus called, because Halley looked through a
telescope and saw it actually through the sky. And said "hello, I don't
think anyone's ever seen this before, I'll call it after myself!" Which
was conceited, but still he got away with it, and everyone ever since
has always referred to this meteor as being Halley's Comet...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Deviation, it's not true. It's real name is Hawley's Comet. Not
everyone has referred to it as Halley. I'm a member of the Hawley's
Comet Society, and have been for some eight years.

PJ: Well this is a different comet.

DN: Along with, along with Patrick Moore, Harold Wilson, Lady Falkender.
We're all members of the Hawley's Comet Society and the correct
pronunciation is Hawley. So my challenge is deviation because the
pronunciation is wrong. Thank you very much!

NP: But you challenged because you said everyone...

DN: Has always called it Halley and I said no...

PJ: But that's the orchestra you're thinking about.

DN: That's right.

NP: So some people call it Hawley and some people call it Halley. I will
tell you what I will do, because I think this is an interpretation of a
pronunciation, let's leave it to the wiser judgement and opinion of our
audience. Now if you agree with er Derek's challenge then you cheer for
him. And if you disagree, you boo for Kenneth and you all do it together
now.

SILENCE THEN LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE

KW: They don't want any part of it.

NP: They don't want part of it.

KW: They want no part in any of these judgements.

DN: They want a chairman who makes his own decisions! That's what you're
there for! Decide!

KW: You've got to make up your mind Nicholas!

NP: I've made up my mind...

KW: He's squirming! He's squirming! You can see him squirming on that
thing...

NP: I entirely accept what Derek has said, but I think it would be a
very mean challenge and therefore I'm leaving it with you Kenneth and
tell you that you have 33 seconds on Halley or Hawley's Comet starting
now.

KW: Well Hawley's Comet was first seen when he looked through this
telescope, you see, and he said "hello..."

BUZZ

NP: (laughing) Derek Nimmo.

DN: Well he's gone through this telescope and saying "hello" twice,
hasn't he!

NP: Yes! So repetition of a large number of words which Derek picked up,
and he has 28 seconds now to talk on Hawley or Halley's Comet starting
now.

DN: (in bang-on impression of KW, the best I've heard) Well this fellow,
you see, looked through his telescope and said "hello..."

BUZZ

NP: Martin Jarvis challenged.

MARTIN JARVIS: He's repeating exactly what Kenneth Williams has just
said!

NP: I know but he hasn't said it before, so he can say it if he wishes.

MJ: Oh I see.

NP: So if you get the subject, you can repeat the same words if you wish.

KW: But Mister Chairman, are you going to allow me to be taken the rise
out of? He's taking the rise! He's taking the rise out of me!

NP: Well he's just...

KW: You could hear that! You could hear that! That was an impersonation,
wasn't it!

SHOUTS OF "YES" FROM THE AUDIENCE

KW: That's not allowed under...

NP: I thought you were doing an impersonation of Halley or Hawley.

KW: Oh I see, all right.

NP: And he was impersonating you impersonating Halley.

KW: Oh I'm sorry.

NP: What he did pinch was your dialogue which wasn't brilliant in the
first place!

KW: No, you can say that again! (laughs)

NP: So Derek still has 25 seconds on Halley or Hawley's Comet starting
now.

DN: We members of the Hawley's Comet Society are flying off to Sri
Lanka...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones challenged.

PJ: He's mentioned the society before.

DN: Not within the game.

NP: Not within the game Peter.

PJ: Yes!

DN: No, that was when I was making my very long and lengthy and rather
boring complaint. It wasn't actually in the game.

PJ: Oh I see. I didn't know you had made a complaint.

NP: Yes, oh yes, he's always making complaints.

PJ: Ah.

NP: But as I thought it was very interesting, not only for our audience
but our listeners at home, I let him go on, because I always try to be
fair and generous. But in following that precept, I say I'm afraid it
was a wrong challenge Peter. And Derek keeps the subject and there are
22 seconds left starting now.

DN: Patrick Moore, Lady Falkender and Harold Wilson are flying off in a
74-set to this island near India...

BUZZ

NP: Martin Jarvis challenged.

MJ: There was hesitation when he was thinking about India.

NP: The set, after set, you're right Martin, so you have 19, no, 14
seconds on Halley's Comet or Hawley's, whichever you want, starting now.

MJ: When I was at school, I had a friend called Philip Halley. He once
came to tea with me, and he brought a little firework with him. It was
called The Blazing Comet. And while my mother was in the kitchen, he put
this little thing into the fire...

BUZZ

NP: Peter Jones has challenged.

PJ: Repetition of little.

NP: That's right Peter, you are in with three seconds on this subject
starting now.

PJ: He said "come over here Mrs Hawley..."

BUZZ

NP: Martin Jarvis challenged.

MJ: There was a pause after he said.

NP: No there wasn't! Peter you have one and a half seconds on the
subject starting now.

PJ: And have a look at this interesting phenomenon...

WHISTLE






* 15 January 1994 (Clement, Derek, Paul Merton, Eddie Izzard) The two
shows with Eddie Izzard are hillarious and would be great for Just A
Classic Minute, especially given how famous he has become. He twisted
the rules in a highly entertaining way. Here's an excerpt - I defy
anyone not to laugh at this.

http://deanbedford.tripod.com/jam248.html

NP: And Paul it is your turn to begin, and a very apt subject, Arthur's
seat. Will you tell us something about that in this game starting now.

PAUL MERTON: When I was eight years old, my father used to take me to
football matches. And I always noticed that the seat next to me was
empty. He said "ah well you see, the reason why that is is that is
because it's Ar...

BUZZ

EDDIE IZZARD: That is, that is.

NP: Yes.

EI: Two that is.

NP: Well listened Eddie. That is, that is.

EI: Do I get a point for interrupting correctly?

NP: Yes you do.

EI: I get annoyed...

NP: Every time you, every time you have a correct challenge you gain a
point. And you get the subject...

EI: I have no idea who I am!

NP: You''re one point behind Paul...

EI: Okay!

DN: The Nicholas Parsons Master Class!

NP: Fifty-one seconds Eddie starting now.

EI: Arthur's Seat is a great big thing that sticks out of Edinburgh
because it's volcanic and is made out of rock that is pointy and flat
and goes on and stops and falls down if you walk along and carry on
walking and oh bugger! I've...

BUZZ

NP: Eddie you've challenged yourself!

EI: Yes I felt I was hesitating so I get one mark!

NP: Well, well, well, well, well, well played Eddie! I mean you
definitely got a hesitation. So...

EI: I feel...

NP: As that's a correct challenge...

EI: Yes?

NP: ... you get a point for that... And I must say it was very well
listened as well!

EI: I could hear it conming, you see, and I...

NP: Yes!

EI: ...knew, so as soon as I did it, I thought get in there quick! And
then... I can win this way, can't I!

NP: Yes!

EI: Has this been done before?

NP: You're now equal in second place, you're only one point behind our
leader Derek Nimmo. And you have 38 seconds to continue with Arthur's
Seat starting now.

EI: I once went up Arthur's Seat and I took a long time...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Deviation.

NP: Why? If it's deviation, it's vulgar and therefore it will be cut out
of the show. Um...

PM: You're in a world of your own, aren't you?

DN: He'd be a wonderful subject for Anthony Clare in the Psychiatrist's
Chair. He ought to have Nicholas Parsons strapped down in it!

NP: Yes Eddie I'm going to say that you have an incorrect challenge so
you get a point... that's another rule, did you know that? You get a
point for an incorrect challenge.

EI: So even if I interrupt myself wrongly I can...

DN: Well done!

BUZZ

EI: I'll have one for that one! I'm not talking, I've just buzzed
myself! So I...

NP: You're taking the game into a whole new realm actually!

EI: This is a loophole you've never explored, is it!

NP: You have an incorrect challenge against you, you get a point for
that, you're now equal with Derek Nimmo in the lead and you have...

AUDIENCE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

NP: ... 34 seconds to continue, Arthur's seat starting now.

BUZZ

NP: And Paul Merton's challenged.

PM: I thought I'd get in with an incorrect challenge so Eddie can take
the lead!

NP: Eddie you've got the lead, one ahead of Derek Nimmo, 33 seconds,
Arthur's seat starting now.

EI: I did go up Arthur's Seat...

BUZZ

NP: Paul Merton challenged.

PM: Repetition of go up.

NP: Yes, he did go up Arthur's Seat before. And Arthur's Seat, 32
seconds starting now.

BUZZ

NP: And who challenged? Eddie?

EI: Sorry, one back to Paul there!

HUGE LAUGHTER FROM AUDIENCE

NP: So Paul's now in the lead with Eddie Izzard, 31 seconds, Paul,
starting now.

PM: One of the fixtures of the Edinburgh Fringe is Arthur Smith who
comes here regularly every year and does various shows that come out of
his brain (starts to laugh)

BUZZ

PM: (laughing heartily)

NP: Oh!

PM: As opposed to his spleen!

NP: Yes! Clement Freud got in first with his challenge.

CF: Repetition.

NP: Oh what?

CF: Ha. Hahaha!

NP: Haha! Clement, a point for that, correct challenge, 21 seconds left,
Arthur's Seat starting now.

CF: Arthur's Ciat was only a moderate car, not nearly as exciting as a
Rolls Royce or a Bentley. But effective and petrol consumption
absolutely minimal. Queen Guinevere spoke most favourably about Arthur's
Seat. She thought it was nicely divided in the middle, plump, pink and
fitted...

BUZZ

NP: Derek Nimmo challenged.

DN: Deviation, he's talking absolute rubbish!

NP: There's never been a rule about not talking rubbish on Just A Minute.

PM: You've kept the job for a long time haven't you?

NP: I know! He wasn't dribbling and you have one second left to tell us
more about Arthur's Seat starting now.

CF: Oh...

BUZZ

WHISTLE






* 4 February 1995 (Peter, Derek, Paul, Steve Frost) - I'm sure you'll
agree Paul is a genius - this is a great example... and it would be good
to have someone doing the whole minute

http://deanbedford.tripod.com/jam278.html

NP: And Paul we'd like you to begin the next round, flying saucers, 60
seconds, starting now.

PM: Well a flying saucer landed in my back garden about 19 years ago,
and I got on it and went to the planet Venus. And it's true because I've
got photographs here of me standing on that particular planet. And
anybody who says that this is false can come outside and I'll give them
a damn good fight! Because I was trapped on that particular orb in space
for years! I tried, benee, speaking to the Venusians and said "look it's
not my fault I'm here, I was kidnapped by one of your people." They said
"it's got nothing to do with us, it could have been anybody they picked
up. We had Winston Churchill about 30 years ago. And before that Sir
Stanley Matthews, the wizard of the wing, spent a fortnight on this very
surface." I thought well, I'm very proud to be in such august company.
And they said "so you should be and all! What do you want for your
dinner?" I said "well what have you got?" They said "well, we can offer
you fish cakes if that's not too fantastic for you." I thought it's

=== message truncated ===

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