On Thursday, November 22, 2007, at 05:56 PM, Miriam wrote:
> Ah yes I well remember the "herbacious borders' one-LOL
>
> there was another one in which someone spoke in french and it ended
> up with Paul supposed to talk about the subject using his Metal Work
> lingo (sorry but I can't quite remember the other panelists-maybe
> tony hawks and clement?) Miriam
>
from 1999
NICHOLAS PARSONS: And we’re moving into the final round, for those who
are interested in the points, the scoring. And um it is Tony Hawks,
we’re back with you Tony. Would you take the final round which is going
to be liaisons. Tell us something about that in 60 seconds starting now.
TONY HAWKS: I very much enjoy the play Les Liaisons D’Onjour which was
on in the West End of London for some time. And I suppose they’re...
BUZZ
NP: Paul Merton challenged.
PAUL MERTON: Deviation, it’s pronounced feng shui!
NP: Um so well done Tony, I enjoyed the challenge, didn’t know what it
meant! And um Tony an incorrect challenge, liaisons d’ungeurors. (goes
into French telling him how he has 52 seconds left and ending with start
now)
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: (in French accent) Repetition!
NP: Of a pause?
PM: Yes.
NP: All right, Paul you have the subject, you have 48 seconds, liaisons
starting now.
PM: What’s the subject? Liaisons? Oh well I remember...
BUZZ
NP: Tony challenged.
TH: (says in French that Paul isn’t speaking in French) Paul continuez
en Francais, eh? Quester mon (makes sick making noise)
NP: So we are going to...
PM: It’s wasted on me! I did metalwork! Wasted on me! It’s true!
NP: So if you want to continue in French, you have 46 seconds Tony,
liaisons...
PM: Why, why has he got it?
NP: I don’t know. I just thought it was good fun really. The whole
thing’s gone to pieces. You wanted to go on...
PM: He buzzes, talks, talks in some gibberish made-up language...
NP: No, it wasn’t actually, it made sense. Ah...
PM: What did he say then?
NP: He said you’ve got to speak in French. That was the idea. I’m
speaking in English now so it’s all gone to pot. Ah...
PM: Speak in French?
NP: Yes.
PM: You’ve given him the subject because I wasn’t speaking in French?
LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
TH: Yeah exactly! I’ve got to carry on in French otherwise I’m out. It’s
like a party game!
NP: It’s like a party game.
PM: Repetition, deviation, hesitation and not speaking in French!
LONG LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
TH: Well...
CLEMENT FREUD: You can speak in metalwork!
PM: You can speak in metalwork? All right! This French speaking rule,
I’ve missed it over the last 33 years!
NP: Forty-six seconds for you to do metalwork French starting now.
TH: J’ette abba...
NP: No! Him!
TH: I thought I won that challenge!
NP: No, no, no...
TH: I want the Law Lords and I want them here now, and I want all their
interests declared as well!
NP: Paul has a chance to show off his metalwork as he takes the subject
and er you have 43 seconds...
PETER JONES: He’s going to take his teeth out?
LOUD LAUGHTER FROM PM AND THE AUDIENCE
NP: No that’s bridgework!
TH: This is descending into anarchy!
NP: No!
PM: If you’re Chinese, don’t write in, sorry!
NP: I love to finish the show on a little bit of anarchy because the
audience enjoy it. And it’s metalwork or liaisons...
TH: I don’t know the French for metalwork!
NP: No it’s not you! He’s going to do metalwork, you’re doing French...
TH: Well...
NP: You all have to take it your own way. This is the new concept for
this particular round, ah of Paul Merton, metalwork version of liaisons
starting now.
PM: I remember the sap film, it was great. There were two blacksmiths
meeting across the room and they’ve got these fans and they don’t know
which one’s in charge of the pig iron or not. And one of them’s making a
little trowel in the foundry and the other person is there and they’re
wondering whether they’re going to fall for this dark elegant man with
huge muscles from making horse shoes every day. You see that’s
metalwork. They taught me that subject...
BUZZ
NP: Clement Freud challenged.
CF: Repetition of metalwork.
NP: Yes that’s metalwork. It’s not on the card, it’s liaisons.
PM: But I thought that was the subject? Metalwork?
NP: No, no, it’s liaisons.
PM: It’s the subject! You told me the subject was metalwork!
NP: No, metalwork-speak you had to give us on the subject of liaisons.
PM: Well what does that mean?
NP: It means whatever you want! That’s the joy of this round!
PM: Oh all right, okay.
TH: Just as a matter of interest, what is the French for metalwork?
NP: Um...
PM: (in French accent) Me-tal-work.
TH: Oh okay then.
NP: No, no, (French word)
TH: No, okay, fine.
PM: That’s egg isn’t it?
NP: (more French words)
PM: Oh all right.
TH: I just need to know in case...
NP: Anybody else want to get in the French lesson? Clement Freud,
you’re...
PM: I didn’t know you did French lessons! I’ve seen your card in the
window!
NP: Right Clement Freud, 23 seconds, liaisons. And you have to take it
in your own individual way. We’ve had French, we’ve had metalwork, and
you’ve got to be original and distinctive as you go on the subject of
liaisons starting now.
CF: Liaison is no more than a relationship between one, two or three,
even four, possibly five, maybe six people...
BUZZ
NP: Paul Merton challenged.
PM: Well he’s not talking about metalwork. Deviation.
NP: Metalwork’s not the subject, liaisons is. You did a metalwork
version and the audience loved it, we all loved it. You got both
points...
PM: Repetition of maybe.
NP: No he didn’t say maybe, no, no, he didn’t.
PM: Hesitation.
NP: Or the fact he wasn’t speaking in French? Ah right, 13 seconds still
with you Clement starting now.
CF: (speaks in German)
BUZZ
NP: Tony Hawks you challenged.
TH: Repetition of sprechen!
NP: I think the final score is settled and Peter we haven’t heard from
you on this round and it’s gone rather bizarre and rather anarchic. And
I’d like to hear your version for the last four seconds on liaisons. And
you have to take it in a different direction, a different language, a
different concept. You have four seconds in which to achieve that if you
possibly can starting now.
PJ: Well I’d enjoy telling you about one or two liaisons that I had in
the past...
WHISTLE
NP: So Peter Jones decided to take it in an utterly English way as
becomes his personality. How delightful Peter!
PM: But he was on a unicycle as he was saying it!