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Re: Favorite Running Jokes during a Show

Messages in this topic: 6 View All
MiriamNov 22, 2007
 

 
-Thanks Dean!:) Miriam

-- In just-a-minute@..., Dean Bedford <dbedford@...>
wrote:

>
>
> On Thursday, November 22, 2007, at 05:56 PM, Miriam wrote:
>
> > Ah yes I well remember the "herbacious borders' one-LOL
> >
> > there was another one in which someone spoke in french and it

ended

> > up with Paul supposed to talk about the subject using his Metal

Work

> > lingo (sorry but I can't quite remember the other panelists-maybe
> > tony hawks and clement?) Miriam
> >
>
> from 1999
>
> NICHOLAS PARSONS: And we're moving into the final round, for those

who

> are interested in the points, the scoring. And um it is Tony Hawks,
> we're back with you Tony. Would you take the final round which is

going

> to be liaisons. Tell us something about that in 60 seconds starting

now.

>
> TONY HAWKS: I very much enjoy the play Les Liaisons D'Onjour which

was

> on in the West End of London for some time. And I suppose they're...
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Paul Merton challenged.
>
> PAUL MERTON: Deviation, it's pronounced feng shui!
>
> NP: Um so well done Tony, I enjoyed the challenge, didn't know what

it

> meant! And um Tony an incorrect challenge, liaisons d'ungeurors.

(goes

> into French telling him how he has 52 seconds left and ending with

start

> now)
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Paul challenged.
>
> PM: (in French accent) Repetition!
>
> NP: Of a pause?
>
> PM: Yes.
>
> NP: All right, Paul you have the subject, you have 48 seconds,

liaisons

> starting now.
>
> PM: What's the subject? Liaisons? Oh well I remember...
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Tony challenged.
>
> TH: (says in French that Paul isn't speaking in French) Paul

continuez

> en Francais, eh? Quester mon (makes sick making noise)
>
> NP: So we are going to...
>
> PM: It's wasted on me! I did metalwork! Wasted on me! It's true!
>
> NP: So if you want to continue in French, you have 46 seconds Tony,
> liaisons...
>
> PM: Why, why has he got it?
>
> NP: I don't know. I just thought it was good fun really. The whole
> thing's gone to pieces. You wanted to go on...
>
> PM: He buzzes, talks, talks in some gibberish made-up language...
>
> NP: No, it wasn't actually, it made sense. Ah...
>
> PM: What did he say then?
>
> NP: He said you've got to speak in French. That was the idea. I'm
> speaking in English now so it's all gone to pot. Ah...
>
> PM: Speak in French?
>
> NP: Yes.
>
> PM: You've given him the subject because I wasn't speaking in

French?

>
> LOUD LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
>
> TH: Yeah exactly! I've got to carry on in French otherwise I'm out.

It's

> like a party game!
>
> NP: It's like a party game.
>
> PM: Repetition, deviation, hesitation and not speaking in French!
>
> LONG LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE
>
> TH: Well...
>
> CLEMENT FREUD: You can speak in metalwork!
>
> PM: You can speak in metalwork? All right! This French speaking

rule,

> I've missed it over the last 33 years!
>
> NP: Forty-six seconds for you to do metalwork French starting now.
>
> TH: J'ette abba...
>
> NP: No! Him!
>
> TH: I thought I won that challenge!
>
> NP: No, no, no...
>
> TH: I want the Law Lords and I want them here now, and I want all

their

> interests declared as well!
>
> NP: Paul has a chance to show off his metalwork as he takes the

subject

> and er you have 43 seconds...
>
> PETER JONES: He's going to take his teeth out?
>
> LOUD LAUGHTER FROM PM AND THE AUDIENCE
>
> NP: No that's bridgework!
>
> TH: This is descending into anarchy!
>
> NP: No!
>
> PM: If you're Chinese, don't write in, sorry!
>
> NP: I love to finish the show on a little bit of anarchy because

the

> audience enjoy it. And it's metalwork or liaisons...
>
> TH: I don't know the French for metalwork!
>
> NP: No it's not you! He's going to do metalwork, you're doing

French...

>
> TH: Well...
>
> NP: You all have to take it your own way. This is the new concept

for

> this particular round, ah of Paul Merton, metalwork version of

liaisons

> starting now.
>
> PM: I remember the sap film, it was great. There were two

blacksmiths

> meeting across the room and they've got these fans and they don't

know

> which one's in charge of the pig iron or not. And one of them's

making a

> little trowel in the foundry and the other person is there and

they're

> wondering whether they're going to fall for this dark elegant man

with

> huge muscles from making horse shoes every day. You see that's
> metalwork. They taught me that subject...
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Clement Freud challenged.
>
> CF: Repetition of metalwork.
>
> NP: Yes that's metalwork. It's not on the card, it's liaisons.
>
> PM: But I thought that was the subject? Metalwork?
>
> NP: No, no, it's liaisons.
>
> PM: It's the subject! You told me the subject was metalwork!
>
> NP: No, metalwork-speak you had to give us on the subject of

liaisons.

>
> PM: Well what does that mean?
>
> NP: It means whatever you want! That's the joy of this round!
>
> PM: Oh all right, okay.
>
> TH: Just as a matter of interest, what is the French for metalwork?
>
> NP: Um...
>
> PM: (in French accent) Me-tal-work.
>
> TH: Oh okay then.
>
> NP: No, no, (French word)
>
> TH: No, okay, fine.
>
> PM: That's egg isn't it?
>
> NP: (more French words)
>
> PM: Oh all right.
>
> TH: I just need to know in case...
>
> NP: Anybody else want to get in the French lesson? Clement Freud,
> you're...
>
> PM: I didn't know you did French lessons! I've seen your card in

the

> window!
>
> NP: Right Clement Freud, 23 seconds, liaisons. And you have to take

it

> in your own individual way. We've had French, we've had metalwork,

and

> you've got to be original and distinctive as you go on the subject

of

> liaisons starting now.
>
> CF: Liaison is no more than a relationship between one, two or

three,

> even four, possibly five, maybe six people...
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Paul Merton challenged.
>
> PM: Well he's not talking about metalwork. Deviation.
>
> NP: Metalwork's not the subject, liaisons is. You did a metalwork
> version and the audience loved it, we all loved it. You got both
> points...
>
> PM: Repetition of maybe.
>
> NP: No he didn't say maybe, no, no, he didn't.
>
> PM: Hesitation.
>
> NP: Or the fact he wasn't speaking in French? Ah right, 13 seconds

still

> with you Clement starting now.
>
> CF: (speaks in German)
>
> BUZZ
>
> NP: Tony Hawks you challenged.
>
> TH: Repetition of sprechen!
>
> NP: I think the final score is settled and Peter we haven't heard

from

> you on this round and it's gone rather bizarre and rather anarchic.

And

> I'd like to hear your version for the last four seconds on

liaisons. And

> you have to take it in a different direction, a different language,

a

> different concept. You have four seconds in which to achieve that

if you

> possibly can starting now.
>
> PJ: Well I'd enjoy telling you about one or two liaisons that I had

in

> the past...
>
> WHISTLE
>
> NP: So Peter Jones decided to take it in an utterly English way as
> becomes his personality. How delightful Peter!
>
> PM: But he was on a unicycle as he was saying it!
>

 
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