Just A Minute

 
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A Nicholas appearance.

Messages in this topic: 1
kirstygoldNov 5, 2012
 

 
I was listening to a random programme from i-Player last night and discovered a thing called "28 Acts in 28 Minutes" which had originally been broadcast in June 2006. The final act was a minute from Nicholas.

I decided most of you wouldn't necessarily want to listen to the whole programme (it was quite an interesting concept and most 'big name' acts were unable to keep their routine to under a minute.) so I transcribed it.

I also transcribed the minute from the penultimate act - Seymour Mace. I thought his was the funniest. You probably know most of his 'a man walks into a bar' jokes but I'll bet you've never heard them like this.

Seymour Mace
A ghost, A white horse, a bloke with a giraffe, a polar bear, another horse , a penguin, another bloke, a piece of string, a duck ,another bloke with another penguin and an elephant all walked into a bar.

They all asked for a pint except for the single penguin who asked the bar man if he'd seen his brother and the bloke with the giraffe asked for a pint for the giraffe too.

The bar man said
"We don't serve spirits"
"We've got a whisky named after you "
"There you go £1.85"
"Why the long face"
"What does he look like"
"I hope you're not a piece of string"
"2.20."
"I told you to take that penguin to the zoo"
"£5.63 We don't get many elephants in here"
Some peanuts say "Looking good"
And the cigarette machine says "you're a ponce"

The white horse says -"What dave?"
The bloke with the giraffe says "one for me one for the giraffe"
The polar bear says...... [stops to laughter]
Ok, the piece of string says "no, I'm a frayed knot"
The bloke says "what's going on here"
The duck says "you can put it on my bill."
The bloke with the penguin says "I took it to the zoo now I'm taking it to the pictures"
The elephant says at "£5.63 a pint I'm not surprised."
The bar man says there you go, why the big pose The peanuts are complimentary and the fag machine is out of order.

The bloke and the giraffe get up to leave but The giraffe collapses on the way out
The polar bear says to hack through the ice in the artic
The bar man says you can't leave that lying there and the bloke says it's not a lion, it's a giraffe
#
John Humphries: - Absolutely glorious – there's a man who understands the format . Now here comes a Royal flush for a finale –no introductions required.


Nicholas Parsons.

Tonight I've been given Just a minute … which is rather ironic, really, `cause I've been doing this for 39 years and the show's still going strong. Now the difference is tonight I've been given just one minute, so without hesitation, but with some repetition and deviation, let me ask the question "Why have I been put on last?"
Is this some respect for age? We live in an age-ist society. People make jokes about age.

Recently a friend of mine on televisions said "Nicholas Parsons is a lot older than he looks. He actually,…. To prove it, he hasn't been intimate with a woman for many years and the last one was a suffragette."

And another friend piped up "yes, and that was only because she was tied to the railings at the time."
Well all I can say is, I enjoyed the experience. Oh, she got my vote alright, Yes.
In Just a Minute , at the end we get a round of applause, So thank you, I hope you give me more tonight.

(53 seconds!)

 
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